Well, it’s been a while. This is why:
The past three or four months have been life-changing for me. I have been discovering more about my birth family (I was adopted) and it has been a real journey. I have not only found my birth father, but I have also discovered who I am; my heritage; my roots. For example, I now know that I am part-Norwegian and part-Polish. Until three months ago, I had no idea about that.
Anyway, the above deserves more attention but is not really for this blog, which is about my search for a fulfilling vocation.
Coming out of the ups and downs of my adoption research, I have reviewed where my business plans were taking me and how this stacks up compared to “what I am living for” – my needs, wants, desires, passions. What I realised is that, although some of my business activities are starting to show promising signs, other things that I have tried in the past year or so have just not “done it” for me and I urgently need to move on and try some new things.
With a pressing need to earn more money but a determination to continue to strive for a meaningful existence and not just a life of drudgery, I revisited a list of points that I compiled about two years ago, based on advice on the excellent StevePavlina.com website, and under the heading of “What am I living for?”. Here it is (and yes folks, this really is me baring my soul to you now):
What am I living for?
Now, I wrote this list from the heart, nearly two years ago, and reading it today brought a tear to my eye. It all rings true, two years later. This is reassuring!
Anyway, after writing the list at that time, I went on to try to crystallise this into an occupation or a vocation or a mix of business activities. This led me to try internet marketing – actually not because I was “living for” internet marketing, but rather that it would give me enough passive income to pursue what I “am living for”. Unfortunately, the income was not enough compared to the long hours of unenjoyable work – for me, that is – I know some people would be fine with it.
So now I have stepped back from this, and decided that I need to start from the above list again and try to make a better job of crystallising it into some practical ideas for “work” that I can implement out there in the world.
Now, the last time I tried to translate this list in this way, I ended up with a list of business ideas. Re-reading them a short while ago, I was not at all happy with them, so I decided to have another go. Here is a summary of what is on my new list:
Now, this list means more to me than it will to you. There is real passion behind some of the words. BUT, as you can see, the massive problem with this list is that it is about three million miles away from me actually making it happen in the real world, living the life and doing my thing. I mean, can you imagine searching on a jobs website or a freelance website for “solving a problem for businesses” or “putting on a show for holidaymakers”?
So, my next hurdle is a familiar one, and one that I have fallen at several times over the years, yet it is a hurdle that I must once again approach, with confidence and commitment, so that I can one day say, “I Jumped” it!
The hurdle I am talking about is this – how to take my version of “what I am living for” and translate it into activities that I can go out and do, so that I really can get closer to living MY life as ME. It would also be good if enough of what I do generates enough money to pay the bills!
I could approach this from several angles. For example, some would say that I should not over-analyse, but get out there, try a few things and see what works. Others would say I need to identify things that are viable financially and then see if they fit my passions. There are so many ways of approaching this that to be honest, as of now, I am a little bit “stuck”.
I will let you know how I get on. Meanwhile, if anyone out there has been where I am now, and has any advice, PLEASE get in touch. I need all the help I can get!